This Morning..

For the past week or so I've been able to actually say that I sleep during the night. So much for that. Eventually, I'll claim the night as my own again. I woke up as Remi, I can still her frail screams. She showed me a lot of things from her age. The last post I made, I was speaking for her, as she was walking me through the night she had.

I'm much calmer now.. I have no idea what woke me.. err her up. No idea whether it was a figment of my imagination or if she really heard the crunching of whatever the rat was in. Well.. Today started out shitty.

I have a doctors appointment in 4 hours that Charlie is taking me to. I'm really hoping it doesn't last forever as is it would be nice to relax before I have to go out again. I've been feeling super anxious about all of this. I know that it needs to happen but a part of me feels I'm not ready. But if I wasn't ready why do I have the feeling that it's going to happen anyway.

I have to travel out amongst the world on my own. Get in some random car with some random person to show up to this random place to talk to another random person. I've had 3 hours of sleep.. these are quite common... When I have things going on continuously I tend to have a lot of nightmares. I sat in the dark this morning and it really scared Remi. She hates the dark from what I've noticed, however she's the easiest alter to deal with, to tolerate and to control.

The others are quite rambunctious, and have their own set of qualities that I get to endure. I've been getting better at reminding myself or whoever is out to blog about these events. I need to keep track of them. I need to keep track of the times I lose.

Quite frankly, this mornings panic is already gone. I do not recall it happening. The only reason why I know it happened was because of the blog. I'm so nervous. Today is going to be hell... As well as tomorrow, and the day after.